1. At the end of the fairy tale,
when the Princess rides off into the sunset to marry the handsome Prince,
you’re just like, “Really?? That’s IT??! I wanna see more of her actual story!”
2. All of your friends are getting
engaged or into serious relationships, and every single time a new one
announces their good news, you kind of feel like they died a little bit.
3. You have a huge list of things
you want to do in the next few years, and not a single one has to do with being
in a relationship.
4. You’ve broken up with people who
were perfectly nice, simply because you knew that you were wasting both of your
time by being together when you didn’t want it to go anywhere.
5. There is a little switch in your
ear that you turn to “mute” when your parents/family members start going off at
you again about how you should be meeting someone nice.
6. The thing is, you have met
someone nice. You’ve met dozens of nice people, and they’re called your
friends.
7. You say that you are married to
your career, and that is only somewhat a joke. It’s mostly pretty
true, when you think about it.
8. People ask you how you’re going
to have children if you don’t get married soon, and all you can do is laugh
uncontrollably in their faces.
9. Every time you see a new
romantic comedy that’s all centered on an otherwise-interesting person
dedicating their whole lives to finding love, you want to throw yourself off a
bridge just a little bit.
10. You love eating alone, and some
of your best memories include finishing several chapters while holed up at the
little corner table of your favorite restaurant.
11. People think that you’ve been
hurt really badly and that’s why you’re “afraid” of getting married, and you
don’t even have the energy to correct them about it anymore.
12. The entire idea of weddings and
gowns and receptions and cakes just seems kind of weird to you. Well, maybe not
the cake. The cake and free alcohol can stay, but you don’t see why you have to
get married to get all of that.
13. The thought of being attached
to a single person for the rest of your natural life makes you feel like you’re
wearing an itchy wool turtleneck on a summer day.
14. Every time you attend someone’s
wedding, you find the little group of cool people who hate this kind of
bullshit, and spend the whole time getting drunk with them and making fun of
people.
15. You genuinely don’t understand
why people regard your whole life as incomplete if you’re not headed somewhere
serious with a partner.
16. You can name a million things
you love about yourself that have nothing to do with your relationship status,
and wish that everyone else was capable of doing the same thing.
17. You wish that there was a kind
of website for people who are just genuinely looking to meet other, awesome
humans that don’t fall into the “long-term partner” category or “one night
stand” category — like OkCupid for friends who maybe occasionally have sex with
each other?
18. The people you think you are
just “casually seeing” are always kept at enough of an arm’s length that they
don’t get any weird ideas about where this is going.
19. There are many times where
you’ve thought to yourself that marriage as an institution is just kind of
bullshit to begin with.
20. If you did want to
get married, you know that you are not yet the person who should be doing that.
You have to go through at least a dozen more life changes/improvements before
you could consider yourself ready for that kind of thing.
21. You kind of suspect that a huge
number of the people getting married around you are going to be getting
divorced not too far in the future.
22. Several of them already have,
and you’re trying your best not to feel “I told you so” about the whole thing.
Because that would be rude.
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